1. The 200 guest rooms feature eiderdown–swathed beds and massive, marble–clad bathrooms with heated floors and Bulgari bath products.

2. The Hansard writers put away their pens and shorthand machines, and alerted a top team of needlewomen, who were tasked with stitching Sir Peter‘s words on to a sampler – no, a great tapestry – as he spoke, which he does very slowly so that each word carries its own great weight. ‘Now that the prime minister has used up all mortal excuses for his folly in invading Iraq and is welying [Sir Peter has a slight speech impediment] for his judgment on divine guidance – a factor which oddly was omitted from the dodgy dossier ..." He uttered those last two words as if describing something the cat had done on his eiderdown, and was greeted by a great roar of laughter and applause.